Thank you very much for joining me.
Here is Nick Ames’ match report for you to enjoy.
Thank you very much for joining me.
Here is Nick Ames’ match report for you to enjoy.
Chris Wood: “It’s nice to get over the line tonight.
“We’ve been in here many times over the last few seasons, we have many experienced players in the changing rooms. It was a fantastic performance from the lads.
“It’s always nice scoring goals and helping the team. They have to be put on a plate sometimes and I put them away.
“He [Dyche] just shouts at us. He doesn’t coach us, he just makes sure we work hard.”
Chris Wood is not a great interviewee.
More angry Fulham fans from Richard Hirst: “Wolfie (Citizen Smith), Dougal (Magic Roundabout) and Diddy David Hamilton.”
I also have Ray Brooks, the voice of Mr Benn, to add, courtesy of Philip Cornwall.
Ruth Purdue offers hope to Fulham: “I agree with Ms. Waltz, the Championship is a lot more fun than the Premier League. So close every year and the level is improving all the time.”
The Guardian’s Ben Mee and the rest of the Burnley team look very pleased with the win. They just know how to get things done.
The most worrying thing for Fulham is that they will be stuck with plenty of well-paid players who no one else will want.
Fulham are down and have spent the past 90 minutes proving why they deserve to be relegated. The hosts were terrible in the final third. Meanwhile, Burnley have secured their top-flight status for another season thank to they know-how and efficiency up top.
90+2 mins: Fulham send in their 184943rd cross of the game, which is cleared like all the others.
90 mins: Four minutes added on. Can Fulham score three? No.
88 mins: Richard Osman will be raging. I assume Hugh Grant will feel similar. Do Fulham have any other celebrity fans?
87 mins: Which Fulham player will get the best move? Andersen (I know he’s on loan) will end up somewhere decent, as will Areola and Anguissa.
85 mins: Cheerio Richard Hirst: “Ah well, it’s been nice knowing you all, now it’s back to the Championship clockwatch. See you in two years! And thanks for the good wishes Mary.”
Ashley Barnes is coming on. All I want is for Bardsley to produce a cameo.
83 mins: Fulham have a corner ... which The Guardian’s Ben Mee heads behind for another. The second is cleared and Taylor starts a break, only to be cut down by Lemina.
81 mins: Pope punches away a free-kick despite it being straight at him. Has he always punched everything?
79 mins: Areola was not sent off as they felt the defender could cover. The defender was on the floor. What a terrible decision. Utter rubbish from Peter Banks.
Mary Waltz with some kind words: “Well Mr. Hirst, my sympathies for the Premier league death, the Championship is still wonderful entertainment and quality football, and a top 6 finish and a shot at promotion next year is something.”
That’s nice.
77 mins: Fulham only have two recognised defenders on the pitch. I am not exactly sure how you would describe their formation. Essentially there are 10 outfield players in various positions across the pitch.
I wonder how many goals a season Chris Wood could score if he played for a team who actually attacked.
75 mins: McNeil slips the ball through for Rodriguez who whacks a shot on goal from 18 yards which Areola is equal to.
73 mins: Burnley are yet to have a shot in this half.
Loftus-Cheek coming on from Fulham.
71 mins: OFF THE BAR! The ball is pulled back to Anguissa on the edge of the area, from where he hits a powerful shot with his sidefoot, only to see it bounce down off the bar.
69 mins: Rodriguez is on for Vydra to add some fresh legs to the Burnley attack. He will be chasing the ball into the channel a lot.
Onomah is on for Fulham, replacing Decordova-Reid.
67 mins: Peter Oh asks: “Westwood and Wood have scored? If Cork scores it could well be the first Premier League hat trick by players with wood-themed names.”
Nah, Graham Oakwood, Barry Redwood and Jim Conifer netted for Sheffield United in 1992/93.
65 mins: Taylor challenges Cavaleiro from behind in the box, which seems like a silly thing to do. However, VAR sees nothing wrong. Burnley need to up it here to avoid this going very wrong.
Mee pings a ball down the pitch for Vydra to chase. Areola comes 30 yards off his line, Vydra heads the ball and it’s going past the goalkeeper who sticks out his arm to stop it. The goalkeeper gets away with it. I would advise that’s a terrible decision. Sympathy vote?
63 mins: Lookman collects the ball in the box and Tarkowski goes to challenge but pulls out thinking he is about to give away a penalty. Lookman thinks the contact is coming and starts to go down but realises he is now the man in the wrong.
61 mins: Burnley are playing with almost no intensity, just happy to absorb whatever Fulham throw at them.
59 mins: A cross is swung in from the right for Mitrovic to attack but his header only finds the sidenetting. Fulham are finally in this game.
57 mins: Fulham are dominating possession, having three-quarters of the ball since the break but I do not think Burnley care.
Pope keeps punching when it does not seem necessary. Maybe he is trying to get out of being the England No 1.
Mitrovic angles a header from a corner on goal and Pope finally catches the ball.
55 mins: Maja is on for Tete, which is a very attacking sub. Fulham certainly need goals.
Some tweets on a theme:
53 mins: Tarkowski takes down De Cordova Reid with gusto. The Burnley man is lucky to avoid a booking.
Maja is coming on from Fulham.
51 mins: Lowton proves he is better than Cafu by dribbling past three Fulham players before being whacked to the ground by Lemina.
49 mins: Lookman gets the ball back after taking a throw-in but he is stood offside. Maybe Fulham are just bad.
47 mins: Fulham are already looking to play a bit more direct, so that’s something.
Peep! Peep! Here we go again!
Matt Dony has time on his hands: “With apologies to Gary Naylor -
‘More Stella McCartney than Stellar Management’
‘More Coco Chanel than Attacks Down The Chanel.’
‘More Next Model than Next Manager of the Month’
And so on and so on, as nauseam.”
David Wall has a plan: “Instead of singing a song it’d be fun if the initiation for new players at Burnley involved them having to work out and perform an Abbott and Costello ‘Who’s on first’ style sketch involving Ben Mee. I’m sure Sean Dyche would be in favour and it would show a bit of originality rather than having the umpteenth bad rendition of some song by Oasis or Ed Sheeran.”
Loftus-Cheek and Maja on soon for Fulham? Mitrovic has been ruddy awful.
Anguissa would be very useful in a good team. That’s my analysis from tonight. Maybe Burnley could sign him.
Nice finish.
Fulham look like a half decent team until they try to attack. Burnley are just ruthlessly efficient. I think Fulham’s Premier League stay is done and dusted.
45 mins: Two minutes added on.
Fulham fail to get the ball into Burnley’s half as Mee wins a header to send it back into the final third, resulting in Brownhill laying it up for Wood to smash home from 20 yards.
43 mins: McNeil is down after a clash of headlines. A bit of eye rubbing later and he’s back up.
Tete nips past a couple of defenders but his cross hits The Guardian’s Ben Mee in the chest.
Mee has just headed the ball 40 yards. He could win the award.
41 mins: Anguissa catches Cork on the top of his foot and goes into the book for his misdemeanour.
Vydra gets into the box after a booming header from Mee, but the striker sends his shot a few yards wide.
39 mins: This is what we’ve been waiting for.
37 mins: Can Fulham get back into this? They are on the ropes at the moment.
A crossfield ball finds Vydra, who gets to the byline and pulls it back to an onrushing Westwood to toe poke home.