Weather: Alright, so here’s the deal, today’s weather is basically Seattle saying, “Oh, you wanted sunshine?  How about some rain and 58 degrees instead?” For the next 7 days we’ll be trapped inside the backdrop of a sad indie film, where the main character just got dumped and the soundtrack is just endless, soul-crushing drizzle. So yeah, it’s Thursday! 

All the President’s Billionaires: Donald Trump kicked off his latest cash grab in Riyadh, where US arms deals flourish and corrupt presidents go to announce they’re done pretending to care about democracy or the rule of law. (And specifically, that he would be dropping sanctions against Syria.) The crowd of Saudi royals and American tech CEOs gave him a standing ovation. Trump’s declaration of a new world order landed perfectly in a place where protest gets you prison time. And he’s just getting started. Next stops: Qatar and the UAE. Why? One White House trip planner put it plainly: “All three have a shit ton of money. It’s really that simple.” Trump says he’s forging diplomatic ties but what he’s actually doing is chasing cash. A $400 million luxury jet from Qatar? Gift? Bribe? Semantics. 

Dealmaker in Grift: Trump landed in Doha just in time to announce a $96 billion “deal of the century” with Qatar for up to 210 Boeing jets, while lining up a palace in the sky as a parting gift for his presidential library. Qatar’s prime minister claims it’s just a “government-to-government transaction,” but even some Trump allies are calling it what it is: influence peddling at 30,000 feet. The White House, meanwhile, is hyping him as “dealmaker in chief,” while Boeing, still limping from safety scandals, strikes, and tanking orders, saw its stock tick up a half percent.

Freedom as a Concept, It’s All Just Vibes Now: Just as the official death toll in Gaza surpasses 53,000, with one-third of them children, Trump declares he has “concepts for Gaza” that he thinks are “very good!” His big idea: the US should take Gaza and turn it into a “freedom zone.” “Let some good things happen, put people in homes where they can be safe, and Hamas is going to have to be dealt with,” Trump said. It’s unclear who he means by “people,” since he has already called for Palestinians to be pushed out of Gaza. Trump said he would be proud to have the US control Gaza—because nothing says "Make America Great Again" like 24 miles of fresh Mediterranean coastline real estate.

Ben & Jerry’s Co-Founder Gets Cuffed for Calling Out Congress: Ben Cohen—the Ben in Ben & Jerry’s—got arrested yesterday at a Senate hearing for daring to call out Congress for funding bombs that murder kids in Gaza while cutting Medicaid for kids right here in the US. Cohen and seven other protesters were hit with charges of “crowding and obstructing” after they disrupted the hearing to demand that food and medicine be allowed into Gaza, which is now teetering on the edge of famine. But lest we forget, Cohen’s been calling out US complicity in inhumane policies for years—including backing Ben & Jerry’s decision to stop selling ice cream in the occupied territories. But sure, let’s slap him with a potential 90 days in jail and a $500 fine for caring more about starving kids than imperialism. 

Chemicals Are Forever (in Our Drinking Water): The EPA is gutting key parts of its long-awaited limits on toxic “forever chemicals,” giving utilities more time and even less accountability. Finalized in 2024, the Biden administration’s rules were expected to cut PFAS exposure for 100 million people and reduce cancer risks. Now, limits on three PFAS types are being scrapped and “reconsidered,” while utilities have until 2031 to meet even the most basic standards. It’s the latest move in EPA chief Lee Zeldin’s deregulatory spree. He’s already rolled back rules on coal, climate, and EVs, all part of his mission to, in his words, “drive a dagger through the heart of climate-change religion.”

Pro-Life, but Not Pro-Livelihood: For the life of me, I will never understand how the same people screaming “pro-life” are making it impossible for anyone to actually afford life in this country. Case in point: Child care costs have shot up 29% since 2020, and now families are paying more to keep their kids alive than to keep a roof over their heads—or, you know, to send them to college someday. But instead of actually fixing the child care crisis, the Trump administration is tossing around a $5,000 “baby bonus,” like that’s gonna cover a lifetime of skyrocketing expenses. Meanwhile, caregivers are still making poverty wages while parents are drowning in debt — but yeah, sure, let’s pretend a one-time check will fix everything.

Voting Rights Act Gutted Yet Again: So, a federal appeals court just decided that regular people can’t sue under the Voting Rights Act anymore in seven Midwestern states—you know, the same VRA that was literally designed to protect voters from racist election policies. Now the only ones who can bring these cases are the DOJ, which under Trump is basically ghosting civil rights work. And guess what? This whole mess started with North Dakota’s legislative maps allegedly screwing over Native American voters. But hey, if you thought the VRA still had teeth, this ruling just yanked ‘em out and handed them to the Supreme Court’s conservative majority. 

Valley Medical Closing 5 Clinics: Valley Medical Center is about to shut down two inpatient units and five clinics in Kent and Renton by the end of June, and yeah, that means hundreds of jobs are on the chopping block while South King County loses even more access to health care. The reason? State and federal funding cuts, plus a $25 million operating loss that Valley says is basically bleeding them dry. And because Valley’s a public hospital without a big corporate safety net, they’re feeling the squeeze even harder — which means more layoffs and service cuts could be coming, not just here but across the state. But hey, our rich get to stay rich, instead of taxed (and still be quite rich). 

Family Sues SPS for Death of Son: The family of 17-year-old Amarr Murphy-Paine is suing Seattle Public Schools, saying the district was didn't do their job to protect students when they failed to lock down the campus after reports of a masked student shooting a teacher with a pellet gun earlier that same day. Amarr was shot and killed trying to break up a fight in the parking lot, and now his family’s asking why the hell no one took the earlier incident seriously. Meanwhile, Seattle police have made no arrests and have no answers, but plenty of thoughts and prayers—because that’s always been super effective at preventing gun violence.

Traffic Camera Cash Grab: Our city is about to crank up its traffic camera game after the City Council unanimously said yes to slapping more automated cameras in places like parks, hospitals, and ferry lines—basically anywhere people love to speed. The goal? Supposedly to curb speeding and fund Vision Zero, the city’s big plan to eliminate traffic deaths by 2030. Mayor Harrell’s expected to sign off on it, and those cameras could be up and snapping in 30 days.

Cap Hill Could Get a Crisis Center: So King County wants to put a 24/7 crisis center on Capitol Hill—a place where people in mental health crises can actually get some help instead of being tossed in a jail cell or left to rot on a sidewalk. Naturally, of course, some business owners are clutching their pearls, saying the area’s already “stretched thin,” like they’re not already stepping over people in crisis every damn day. But hey, let’s keep pretending that ignoring the problem is working out great for everyone. Maybe if we just gentrify the suffering enough, it’ll disappear. Sounds like a solid plan. 

Ambassadors Coming to Chinatown: The city is rolling out a shiny new ambassador program in the Chinatown International District with $1 million in city and Asian American Foundation money to cover basics like cleaning, crisis help, and pointing tourists in the right direction. And get this—they’re starting in June with just three ambassadors. THREE. For a whole neighborhood dealing with prolonged challenges, including crime, addiction, and boarded-up businesses. Meanwhile, Mayor Bruce Harrell says that it’ll provide “regular, visible, and reliable support,” but without a dedicated funding source, it’s more like a Band-Aid on a bullet wound. And yeah, after years of empty promises, many in the CID aren’t exactly holding their breath. And yes, while this is better than more cops, what happens when the money runs out and it’s back to business as usual?

Seahawks Drop Schedule with Cringe-Worthy 90s Throwback: The Seahawks (and the rest of the NFL) just dropped their 2025 schedule in elaborate fashion, because clearly, we all needed another overblown, testosterone-fueled spectacle pretending to be news. But even if you’re like me and only pretend to care about football as an excuse to bond with your career military dad—instead of, you know, actually talking through our feelings like none emotionally maladjusted adults—the best part of this whole charade is this gloriously cringey 90s action figure parody video. It’s awkward, it’s weird, and yeah, it’s way more entertaining than the NFL’s annual schedule release, which they hype up like it’s some kind of cultural event instead of just, “Hey, here are the dates you can pay us to watch young men give each other CTE for your viewing enjoyment.”

Goodbye… for now. As an elder millennial, I still carry that old-school journalist gene that says you never make the story about yourself. But I also believe you honor a relationship in how you say goodbye. Today’s my last day at The Stranger—at least as its interim news editor. I'll be staying with the team as a contributing editor, but as I step into my mercenary, vagabond freelance lifestyle, I want to take a moment to thank the Noisy Creek and Stranger crew, especially a few folks who made these past few months one hell of a ride.

Nathalie Graham, I know we only officially overlapped for a few weeks, but it was a pleasure to work with you, to edit your work. I can’t wait to see what you’ll do next—it’s going to be tremendous. Vivian McCall, being around your brilliant mind and purposeful journalism forced me to step up my game. This city is damn lucky to have you as a reporter, and so am I. Charles Mudede, I’m grateful for your affirmation and support in this role. Being around you has made me a better thinker, writer, and appreciator and scrutinizer of life. How could it not? Shane Wahlhund, thank you for pushing me out of my comfort zone and introducing me to creative heights I never would’ve reached alone. Emily Nokes, just being in your orbit made me feel cooler. Christian Parroco, you kept this whole operation together behind the scenes with such grace and patience—work most people never even see. Megan Seling, if anyone’s the heartbeat of this place, it’s you. Your passion for this work and this city is palpable, and it’s been an honor to work alongside you.

And to Hannah Murphy Winter—what a ride. I always knew what to expect from you as an editor and a colleague: everything you had. Thank you for that. Thank you all.

With that, I’ll leave everyone on a high note with a song matching my mood…