Three Reasons Relationships Fail (and How to Save Them) This Valentine's Day

Want to Save Valentine's Day? Renowned Relationship Coach Jack Rourke Offers Tips for Mending Broken Hearts to Create Lasting Love.

LOS ANGLES, CA, UNITED STATES, February 13, 2025 /EINPresswire.com/ -- Valentine’s Day might be a holiday manufactured by a secret chocolate and greeting card cabal. But, investing in February fourteenth, by making romantic memories with a sweetheart is still a great idea.

Los Angeles based relationship coach and spiritual advisor Jack Rourke asserts that our brains are meaning, pattern, and prediction making machines. Once a pattern is recognized and assigned a value, the brain predicts the future and stops paying attention, says Rourke. As cave people, it was helpful to establish tiger means run, do not pet, to avoid lethal trial and error. But when it comes to romantic relationships, failing to pay attention, by assuming there's nothing new to learn about a partner creates emotional injury.

Paying romantic attention is easy at the beginning of a relationship. When couples first meet, it is blissful being with someone who prioritizes togetherness. Even more so once the relationship becomes physical. Then, all the mental and emotional foreplay acquired from hours of clever conversation, and joyful interpersonal discovery stimulates inner fireworks, propelling the romance toward a felt sense of mutual belonging

Being one half of a loving couple is one of the most rewarding experiences. But after a few months of new-couple bliss, usually when lovebirds cannot stop talking about how lucky they are for having found one another, the first fight happens.

Disagreements redirect attention from feeling love to what feels like a threat. This can trigger past relational wounds causing individuals to reenact them with their current partner. But by understanding mismanaged focus, couples can remain lovingly attuned and bridge from romantic bliss to healthy long-term intimacy, says Rourke.

According to Jack there are three main reason relationships do not last. The first being, lack of emotional safety. Rourke teaches that emotional safety requires emotional fitness. Emotional fitness is the capacity to receive information without reacting, and responding in a manner that enhances connection.

Rourke stresses it is not necessary to always agree. But it is essential to avoid blaming or defending. The goal when disagreeing is fighting to preserve the love bond. Working together toward resolution while ensuring each partner feels loved and safe builds trust. While winning an argument just makes one partner a loser which destroys safety, cautions Jack.

When there is unsafe communication, one or both partners may feel unseen or unheard. A relationship in this condition is not sustainable. The good news is emotional safety can be created by treating a partner how one would like to be treated. This means listening, empathizing, and identifying a partner’s needs without taking things personally.

Everyone enjoys feeling heard. People like people who like them, reminds Rourke. So, he encourages lovers to like each other by remaining curious, listening, complimenting and asking meaningful questions. Rather than offering criticism or rebuttals when dealing with problems.

The second reason relationships fail are unmet needs and expectations.

According to Rourke, expectations are unconscious desires to control a partner to avoid the vulnerability associated with requesting what we need. Imposing expectations are also harmful how they force conformity, violate autonomy and trigger assumptions. that can damage relationships.

One might think, a partner should know what is wanted. However, it is worth considering that expecting a partner to mindread is childish - as only children are automatically provided for without having to collaborate in their self-care. It is also important to keep in mind that demonstrating how one provides for their personal needs is the next best thing to asking a partner’s help fulfilling a personal need. Since a good partner will pay attention to the care their beloved provides to themselves and emulate that.

By not imposing expectations, we make room for both reality, and for partners as they really are. Then, should personal needs be unmet, what might be discovered is there is lack of attention rather than lack of love.

When life interferes with applying proper attention to a relationship, an honest collaborative dialogue centered around preserving love and respect for one another is required. With clear communication, flexibility, and a willingness to grow and learn together, there is always potential for learning news ways to support a deeper shared love by aligning personal values and priorities.

The third cause for breakups is something Rourke states often goes unnoticed – loss of identity. Healthy relationships, he says require a balance between togetherness and individuality. When partners become overly infatuated, they may lose their personal self, leading to enmeshed feelings of stagnation and then resentment. Conversely, if couples grow too independent without nurturing the relationship, they may drift apart. Balance is key. Especially in disagreements.

Fights are normal in relationships says Jack. Disagreements outline boundaries and define needs. Fights also contain valuable information about unmet needs if one is emotionally fit enough to listen. There is something else important concerning identity, however. That is, debate is how individuality is reestablished in relationships after a period of unifying romance, according to Jack.

As troubling as it may feel, Rourke says, when couples have their first disagreement, it can be a sign of progress. Once a new relationship becomes established, it must eventually transition from idealized pair bond to committed love. Loving partners navigate the transition from romance to spouse-hood by supporting each other’s passions, and personal evolution. While mutually celebrating each other’s individuality. Rather than expecting each other to always agree and remain blissfully enmeshed in euphoric romance like at the beginning of their relationship.

Remember, relationships do not fail overnight—they deteriorate slowly when emotional safety is compromised, expectations are unmet, and personal identities are lost. Fortunately, Valentine's Day offers an opportunity to invest meaningful attention into a beloved.

Positive experiences bond couples and help them survive the ups and downs every relationship eventually navigates. So, by viewing Valentine's Day as an opportunity to build up a reservoir of shared laughs, warm touches, and loving kindness - maybe the chocolate and a greeting card cabal is not a bad thing after all. ♦

Kathryn McCabe
Psi Source Media
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Authenticity in Relationships featuring Jack Rourke